Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
