just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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