Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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