O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
