Banned from zoo.
Again?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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