people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
