How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
