he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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