I didn't shave. On purpose
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
