Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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