I cannot find my penis.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
