So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
