I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
