My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize