i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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