He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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