i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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