True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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