I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
