i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
