Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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