Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
