I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
