Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
