dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
