I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
