i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize