Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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