I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
