does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
