I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
