idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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