think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
