I need help removing her.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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