I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize