the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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