would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
