Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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