I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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