I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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