He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
