I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
