I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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