yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
