is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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