The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
