Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
