Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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