I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
