now i know why i became what i already was.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
sarcasm needs its own font
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
