please come you make the beer taste better
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
