just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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