SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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