Who wears a wallet chain?!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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