and i looked up. we had an audience...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
