just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
