I wish I could teleport
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
