I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
