my sisters under your porch take her home
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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