Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
