Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
