Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
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