I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
