You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
