No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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