please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
