All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
