Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
