cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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