Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm sobbing to NWA
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
