i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
