Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
