Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he thought i was a dude.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize