I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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