I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
